Quirky Islanders
by XmidnightXcloudX
Summary: Talse of the weird happenings and people on Destiny Island!
1. Sora's New Move!

Quirky Islanders

WARNING! HARRY POTTER 7 SPOILERS! Yes. In a Kingdom Hearts fanfic. Yes. There are a lot of non-KH references. Quite a few Harry Potter ones. I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE GAMES/BOOKS/SHOWS CONTAINED IN THIS FANFIC! Goodnight! Actually… read first. Yes. Thanks.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

**Quirky Islanders**

Chapter 1: Sora's New Move

"YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!" A spiky haired moron yelled. It echoed throughout the island making someone building a house of cards knock down the stack and another playing Wizard's Chess get their pawn's head chopped off by a queen.

"Oh God what now?!" An exasperated redhead asked.

"I just made up a new move!"

"What? You annoy people to death with your stupidity? Because you already do that."

"NO! BEACH SLAP!" And he slapped his friend in the face with sand on his hand.

She was momentarily stunned. And then came to her senses and slapped him in the face. "WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT?!"

"That was my new move. BEACH SLAP!"

"Slap me in the face one more time and I kill you by cutting out your intestines, wrapping them around your throat, tying them to a fishing pole and using you as bait to shark fish."

Sora took a large step backward in fear of his psychopathic friend.

She walked away and then he said to himself. "Gee… women scare me."

"Ah yes but they make good lovers." His other friend said magically appearing next to him. He started shaking.

"Ho-ly… Shikamaru. QUIT SCARING ME LIKE THAT RIKU! And… … WHAT THE HELL'D YOU JUST SAY??"

"You saw nothing!" And his silver-haired friend magically POOF-ed away just as he did appear.

"I'll never understand him… I think he's like a magician or something! Hey! I wonder if he knows Harry Potter! I bet I won't ever remind to ask him… dang it. I cried during that last book! WHY DID HEDWIG HAVE TO DIE?! WAAAHHH!! YES RONXMIONE! And that Ginny is a freaking w…"

"SORA! GET YOU ASS BACK INSIDE AND DO YOUR CHORES!" Sora's drunk and crazed mother beckoned.

He sighed and sulked home. It was on the other side of the beach. Yes. You heard right. And Sora heard his mother perfectly. It was a LONG beach too.

--SOME TIME LATER--

Sora's silver-haired, possibly wizard, and impossibly strong and hawt best friend was sitting on the beach reading Bleach manga when he suddenly received a very sandy slap to the face.

He stuck his hand up and pulled his attacker to the ground. He didn't even look up. He didn't have to, to know who it was.

"DAMN IT SORA! WHY THE HELL'D YOU DO THAT?!"

"It was fun…"

"It's not going to be fun when I peel your flesh off with a plastic knife."

"No… I can't imagine it would be."

"Retard."

"Who? Sora? Of course he is."

"Thanks Kairi. That really boosts my self esteem."

"I only speak of truth."

"I agree."

"Of course you agree Riku! I swear… you two are going out behind my back!"

"Never in hell." The silver-haired one said continuing to read his manga.

Apparently this upset the redhead. She was going to yank at his long and luscious hair… but resisted the urge. She liked it too much.

So instead… she petted his hair. "You're my kitty."

"What?!"

"Kitty!" She continued to pet the long hair.

"I'd rather be your fish than a kitty. Your cats all ran away but you at least feed your fish."

(A/N: That really happened! My friend J.A. was petting P.I.E.'s hair and calling him "her kitty." But he said he rather be a fish. Why? That I didn't catch. But it was hilariously funny and weird. Oh no! They are so NOT together… We were just annoying him. He was putting his head on the table so it just happened that way… We were already poking him in the head… ANYWAY…!)

All the while Sora just sat and stared with his mouth wide open at the happenings before him.

"WHAT SICK THINGS ARE YOU TWO DOING WHEN I'M NOT AROUND?!"

"Oh Sora, I'm sorry to say that we're getting married in a week and you aren't invited." The still being petted one said sarcastically.

"Yup, and we're leaving the island… again…" She played along.

"And I'm taking my manga with me."

The spiky one gasped. He was actually buying it!

"B…But… I DIDN'T GET TO READ ALL OF IT YET!"

"Well if it hadn't taken you six months to read that last HP book then you would have gotten to the manga!"

"Shut up Kairi! BEACH SLAP!" He again slapped her in the face. He forgot about the whole ripping out of the intestines and using him as shark bait thing.

"YOU DEAD NOW! I'M GOING TO USE MY OWN VERSION OF A BEACH SLAP!"

The spiky haired one ran for his life but eventually she would catch up to him and kill him. Through all that the boy absorbed in his manga kept reading.

After a few minutes he finally closed the book.

"Yes! Done!" He looked glanced back to see that Kairi was slapping Sora in the face over and over and over again.

He laughed and magically POOF-ed away again.


	2. Normal As Crazy Can Get

BWAHAHAHA!! ANOTHER RANDOM CHAPTER! I almost abandoned this!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! But here's one more chap before I make up my mind to use it or lose it. I BEG OF YOU TO REVIEW! Hey! That rhymes!! LOL!! Fun times, fun times… Speaking of fun times… LOOK AT THIS! (P.S. I don't own a thing. UH DUH! lol.)

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

**Quirky Islanders**

Chapter 2: Normal As Crazy Can Get

"Wanna…?!" Sora started and was quickly interrupted by an unnecessarily loud 'NO!' "Aw! Come on guys! Don't be so mean!!"

"Last time you said that we had to fish your body out of the ocean." Kairi said.

"And the time before that we had to cut you out of close line that you somehow got in your pants and we had to cut those off along with a thick chain we had to get off with bolt cutters." Riku said reading yet another manga.

"What do you always make _me _out to be the stupid one?!"

"Uh, that would be because you are." Kairi said.

"True dat." Riku said flipping a page.

"Fine. I'll go do something by myself. I'll you… you normal people." Sora walked off.

"Should we follow him and/or be worried?" Kairi asked.

"Nah, just call the hospital and tell them to be around here in five minutes or so." He flipped another page. "Other than it'll be fine."

"Sometimes your calmness scares me…"

"I've dealt with that for fifteen years. I think I'm used to it."

"I guess you have to be there when stupid is born to be able to deal with it…"

"Mhm…" He kept on reading.

Approximately, four minutes and twenty-nine point thirty-two seconds, later, they heard Sora scream.

"You call the hospital?"

"I'm on it right now." She dialed, said Sora's name and that was all she had to do. He was like a resident at their hospital.

"Told ya. About five minutes."

"Oh shut up…"

--SOME TIME LATER--

"Oh so it was just a minor concussion? Nothing serious?" Kairi asked the numbskull. Literally.

"I've fallen out of that tree so many times I don't think that even counts as a concussion." Sora said laughing.

"You're so stupid." Riku said smacking him with his manga.

"Would you quit hitting me with books?!"

"At least it wasn't 'War and Peace' that book might have killed you!"

"A dictionary could've killed him! Just by looking at the words!"

"You're so mean Riku! I have a brain!!"

"I think the scarecrow needs to go see the man behind the curtain."

"Yea and the tin man needs a heart!!" Sora stuck his tongue out at Riku.

"What did you say?!"

"It's no wonder the heartless never came after you!!"

"Hey now! No need to say such things!! Come on, we're all friends, right?"

"No!"

"Stop it or I drag you by your ears into Tea Party Palace and dress you up in frilly dresses and overdo your make up and make you look like drags!!" Kairi threatened.

The boy's jaws dropped and they got chills form envisioning such a nightmare. Sora felt like he was going to scream, but he couldn't breathe. Riku dropped his manga on the ground.

"Well that stopped you two."

The boys stood, jaws agape, frozen, and staring at Kairi for a few minutes.

"You guys? I'm not going to do that to you. You stopped…" She waved her hand in front of their faces. "Hello? If you don't snap out of it… I WILL DO IT!!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The two yelled.

"Not much better but at least they're moving and talking, sort of. So what now guys?"

"I don't know…" Riku said picking up his manga and reading it again.

"Hey guys… wanna…?!" He tried again and was, AGAIN, interrupted by another, unnecessarily loud 'NO!' "Why do you guys hate me sooo?!"

"It's not that we hate you. It's that we hate your ideas."

"I have to agree with Riku."

"You always agree with him!!"

"Are you going to say that we're going out again?"

"…No…"

"That wedding's still on. And you're still not invited."

"Shut up Riku!!"

"You know she'd prefer me over you if the stupid writer hadn't put you two together."

"Whatever… I like the writer… He made you look totally ugly!!"

Riku, again, hit Sora with his manga. "I saved your ass so can it."

"You made a total fool out of yourself!!"

"Ahem… Tea Party Palace…" Kairi said. Sora shut up.

"Were we always this violent?" Sora asked. "Selphie, Tidus and Wakka barely talk to us anymore…"

"Yea I noticed that too, I don't see why though…"

--RANDOM FLASHES TIME! GET READY KIDDIES!--

"It's not going to be fun when I peel your flesh off with a plastic knife." Riku said.

"No… I can't imagine it would be." Sora said.

--xXx--

"YOU DEAD NOW! I'M GOING TO USE MY OWN VERSION OF A BEACH SLAP!" Kairi got up and chased Sora.

--xXx--

"Slap me in the face one more time and I kill you by cutting out your intestines, wrapping them around your throat, tying them to a fishing pole and using you as bait to shark fish." Kairi threatened like it was nothing.

--xXx--

"Give me my pants back or I'm going to shoot you in the head Sora. Then I'll use your head to ward off birds in my mom's garden because they'll die laughing before they get to her plants." Riku threatened.

--xXx--

"Sora please come down and put your pants back on. People are staring. The security guard says he's going to tazer you." Kairi said staring up.

--RANDOM FLASHES END!--

"Nope, still can't think of why they don't want to come near us." Kairi said after sifting through thoughts.

"Me either." Sora said.

"Ditto." Riku said.

"We're as normal as crazy can get!"


End file.
